I'm driving to my office in Kansas City, and I find myself feeling a little nervous about recording this podcast. It's strange to be nervous about having a conversation with someone I know so well, but it's like I'm so excited I don't know what to say! This is a person who I accredit my life to in a large degree. Not because he kept me alive, but because he taught me to grow up and he taught me how to be a good person. He revived my soul at a time when I thought I was totally FUBAR (fucked up beyond all recognition, for those of you who don't know). This was a difficult and phenomenal journey for me, creating my own path as usual, and causing myself a bunch of adversity and pain in the process. Kevin was my sponsor for many years. I think 9, actually. And in 12 step programs it is not customary for a man to sponsor a woman and most of the time it is highly discouraged and frowned upon. Hence the adversity and pain. From the first time I heard him speak I felt like I connected with his thoughts and perspective. He shared information in a way that made sense to me and I looked forward to seeing him and hearing him every day in the meeting. I don't know that I understood sponsorship in the beginning of my sobriety. It was something that everyone talked about in the rooms of AA but I didn't really get the point and I was so fiercely independent I'm sure I didn't think I needed it. As time went on and I continued to share my time in that room every day with the same handful of people, I felt certain that Kevin was the person to lead me through this process. I never told him that, or anyone else because they constantly said "women work with women, men work with men"... blah, blah, blah. So I kept it to myself and tried to soak up as much of his wisdom and knowledge as I could each day. When I was 10 months sober, the stars aligned just right and through a quick conversation Kevin said he would sponsor me. I would say that I felt like I won the lottery, but it felt way better than that. You see, I have a very strong personality, and there aren't too many people who can lead me. There are even fewer that I would allow the opportunity. From that point forward I followed Kev's direction. He told me to do service work and I jumped in with both feet, he told me to be an active and grateful member of my group and I did that immediately. He told me to connect with and help people, so I did. One day at a time he guided me through life. Through my drama, through my screwed up outlook, my negativity, selfishness, and all my accompanying BS. He taught me how to grow up and be a good person. He taught me to love people and love myself. He was the father figure I always dreamed of. So how the hell do you convey that in a podcast??? I have no idea. What I know is the people I am most grateful for in my life are my mom, because she built me on a super solid foundation of honesty, independence, and a certain fierceness I am so very grateful for. And Kevin, because he stood by my side through thick and thin and he used that foundation my mom created, and he built me into a person I can be proud of.
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